Don’t get me wrong.
“Aging gracefully” is lovely. In a quiet, refined, elegant kind of way.
Which is great, if that’s “You.”
But it’s definitely not “Me.”
I was never particularly graceful when I was younger. So, why would I suddenly become that way as I age?
To me, the term “aging gracefully” feels like a cultural corset that holds women to one tight standard.
I’d prefer to age gratefully. To have reverence for the truth of who I am and all the changes that are taking place within and around me.
I intend to age exuberantly. Colorfully. Creatively. Bravely. Boldly. Healthfully. Honestly. And unapologetically.
As someone who has risen up from the muck of tremendous self-doubt and fear, I’m trying to re-train my brain to celebrate the wisdom, confidence and self-love that I’ve worked like hell all these years to attain (with the therapy bills to prove it).
Older women in our society often complain about feeling invisible. But I wonder if that’s because we don’t see our own value.
What if, instead of zeroing in on the wrinkles under our eyes, we started appreciating the light within them?
What if, in choosing to honor our experience, our wisdom and our gifts, the outside world rises up to meet our inside world?
What if, instead of just looking out there for anti-aging foods, supplements, lotions, potions and treatments, we started cultivating a pro-aging mindset within?
But how?
Well, I’m glad you asked:
Find an aging role model.
Years ago, I was at a bridal shower, seated across from the most captivating woman ever. I was in my early thirties and she was well into her seventies. Yet, there was no one in that room I’d rather talk to.
I don’t remember her name but I’ll never forget her sparkling blue eyes, her infectious laugh, her joyous energy, her mesmerizing confidence and her boundless curiosity. I made a mental note, over thirty years ago, that “I want to be like her someday.”
They say that “energy flows where attention goes.”
So, I say, stop focusing on old Mrs.So-and-So who’s old before her time. And go out and find yourself an ageless, cageless muse who inspires you to see getting older as a privilege. Not a curse.
Age consciously. And you-niquely.
Instead of fearing that you’ll become a “victim of age,” why not set an intention to flourish in your own way?
Intentions are powerful things. They become the foundation of the lives we create.
Start by taking a moment to close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths into your heart. Now, imagine, in your mind’s eye, how you hope to look, live and feel 10 or 20 years from now.
Just like I did in the beginning of this post, name and claim those qualities that you want to embody in your later years.
If the word “graceful” resonates with you, then by all means, choose to age gracefully. If not, give yourself permission to age any damn way you please.
Simply write on a piece of paper: “I intend to age vibrantly, victoriously, loudly, lovingly, or ________ (whatever speaks to your heart).
It’s especially powerful to read your intentions aloud to someone and/or to burn them outside in the moonlight.
Be a dragonfly.
Did you know that dragonflies spend most of their lives stuck in the muck at the bottom of a pond—up to four years?
Then, one seemingly random day, they crawl out of the pond and into the sunlight. And right then and there, their glorious wings unfurl. It turns out they were growing all along.
These magical creatures remind us that no matter how stuck we’ve been in our own muck, it’s never too late to soar.
So, what is it that you’ve always longed to do? Maybe today’s the day you’ll take one little step toward giving your heart wings.
Speaking of which, it would give my heart wings if you’d share your feelings on this age-old subject.
After all, when one of us has the courage to speak our truth, it lifts all of our spirits.
Wendi, I absolutely love this post. This perfectly expresses how I feel about “aging” which is a term that I will never attach to myself! I am grateful for the wisdom that my six decades have brought me to, and decided to crawl out of the muck many years ago. Thank you for beautifully expressing what life holds for us as we move further into it!
With love,
Regina
I am so happy that this resonated with you, Regina. And deeply appreciate your comments here. You are such a beautiful, high energy, positive dragonfly. Happy to be flying united with you!
Wendi, This is a delightful post. Most enjoyable. I, too, am in my sixth
decade and feel more alive now than ever before. There are so many
things I want to do and to try now that I have the time. I’ll never be one
of those people who doesn’t know what to do all day. In this society, it
may take a long time for women to wake up to their potential because
we are all so brainwashed with the culture of youth. But I’m finding that really feeling alive and wonderful and curious and interesting and, you
know, everything is magnetic. People sense and feel positive energy. So, glow on, girl!
Candace, thank you for sharing your wisdom and joyous perspective. I agree about the brainwashing. Like I said in my post, it really takes re-training our brains to claim the gifts of our experience and see our own worth. Yes, what you said about everything being magnetic…that is the key. If we see and feel good about ourselves, that is reflected everywhere else. You are my type of dragonfly. Thanks again for sharing.
Wendi,
I am always so inspired by your expression of words and paintings. Today’s on aging especially touched my heart. We are kindred spirits and your loving honesty inspires me.
With a radiance of appreciation,
Heidi
Thanks for taking the time to write, Heidi. I throw this stuff out into the universe and I have to admit, it’s a little weird not knowing where or how it will land. So, heart-felt comments like this give me faith that I’m on the right path. With a great big virtual hug and much gratitude, Wendi
This is such a great, fantastic post, Wendella!! I passed it on to several friends and they are saying how amazing you are and so inspirational! I’m almost ready for Medicare, but I’m the 15-years-older role model for many of my younger mommy friends and intend to be dancing the Marcarena at somebody’s wedding when I’m 90+—just hope my money lasts that long, but I’m doing positive affirmations about that…. Also thanks to you…
Your adoring and grateful longtime fan,
Barbi
Barbi,
You are hilarious—from Medicare to Marcarena! As evidenced by this comment, your spirit is just as young and vibrant as the day I met you—something like 35 years ago!!! Yikes….okay I’m not even going to think about that. Instead, I’m going to feel the joy of you sharing what I wrote with your friends. And how we continue to be the wind beneath each other’s wings. I love you and am so grateful for your presence (and presents) in my life.
xoxoxoWendi
Love this post, Wendy! I am 54 and people say I go like I am 18 but I am feeling at least 30 these days.;) this came on a good day for me because I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with what’s on my plate. A lot of people depend on me it seems. I, too, want to be that older woman that shines her light! And I know what you mean about the woman you saw- I have seen older women like that as well. Thanks for posting- good reminder on this morning when I am feeling a bit weary to find my inner light and shine as I go about my day.:) Blessings! Donna
Dear Donna,
I am so happy that this post gave you a lift. They say it takes a village. But I believe it’s a “fetch.” (That’s the dragonfly equivalent of a “gaggle of geese.”) You can soar all the time. It’s important to let down, share your feelings (like you just did) and re-fuel before taking off again. It sounds like there’s a lot on your shoulders. Be kind and loving to yourself.
And thank you so much for sharing here.
This is the most thoughtful model for aging I have read Wendi.
I especially love what you’ve said about the shift of perception on aging must begin with us and how we see and value ourselves. That is truly the key isn’t it?
The Dragonfly Movement is Divinely Guided and you are clearly a leader to help shape the direction of this most important topic.
With love,
Heather
Thank you, Heather for this profound reflection. Yes, as you and I have discussed, so much of how life treats us is an “inside job.” My vision is that each of us is an ambassador who is shifting the paradigm of how we age.You inspire me constantly.
All my love,Wendi
Wendi,
This is post shows you in all of your brilliance! Thank for always turning an idea on its head and showing something far deeper and more meaningful by doing so.
You are a rare and creative teacher and I am grateful for you!
Thank you and thank you so more! Simply wonderful,
Lainey
Oh, Lainey. I love to hear your take on what I do. It’s so much more flattering than my take! You are someone whose wisdom, heart and clarity have always inspired me. So, this is even more meaningful.
With so much love and gratitude,
Wendi
Wendy, you really do seem to receive divine guidance when you write with such wit and wisdom about aging. I absolutley agree with you that “aging gracefully” sounds like something women must learn to grin and bare as opposed to “aging any way you damn well please” which I’m going to fully embrace. Write on, sister!
– Laurie
Thank you, Laurie. I whole-heartedly appreciate this comment from one as witty and wise as you.
On your list of intentions, I can imagine “I intend to age, humorously, healthfully, compassionately, creatively, and boho-chic-edly.
With so much love,
Wendi
Wendi,
you have expressed my feelings about ageing exactly as I would have written it. I am at a big cross roads in my life. Do i continue to work full time for another ?? years or do I focus on ME and my AGEING? I choose ME and AGEING. I have no intention of fading into oblivion like so many other Women of my age. I have watched my Mother all my life become more invisible with each passing year. When I was 10 I made a decision not to be like that, I wanted to do things and be noticed as a valuable Woman in society. I had an Aunt who was not like the other Women in my family, she wore trousers and smoked when it wasn’t considered acceptable to do so. she was outspoken and gained respect of everyone around her. Sadly she is no longer with us but I think of her often and she is my MUSE to AGEING GRACEFULLY.
Jude
Dear Jude,
I also have an aunt who has been a big inspiration in my life. It only takes one to show us that we can age in our own you-nique way. If you do quit your job, do you have some passion project or something that you have been longing to do? I have found that our hearts and souls have a plan for us. And it’s thrilling to see what unfolds. Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing with us. Can’t wait to hear what you decide.
Virtual hugs,
Wendi
At last I have a moment to reply to this most wonderfulest post ever! I forwarded it to several people and they all loved your poignant words of Wendism!
As someone said once, age is just a number. Truly that is all it is. And the Belief Systems we have about those numbers are huge!
My usual response when people ask “How old are you?” is to say in all seriousness, “I don’t believe in linear time!”
We start counting those years the minute we arrive here, and why? No reason as far as I can tell, so let’s stop! Actually, let’s create a Stop Counting Our Birthday Society! SCOBS unite! Except, I sure love birthday cake… hmmm, definitely a moral dilemma!
Love you Wendi!! Keep up the good words!!!